


Four Times Usagi Has Her First Kiss (And One Time Thereafter)

by muffin_song



Category: Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Crystal
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:11:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muffin_song/pseuds/muffin_song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you've had more than one life and both you and your partner have secret identities, the same event can happen over and over again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Times Usagi Has Her First Kiss (And One Time Thereafter)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zeri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeri/gifts).



     “You’ve really thought this through carefully, Usagi-chan,” Naru laughs.

     Usagi punches her fist down on the café table so hard that for a moment she worries she’s attracted the attention of the wait staff (along with everyone else in the café).

     “Don’t make fun of a girl’s true feelings! What Motoki-san and I have is pure love!” It may have taken three tries to get a decent score on this exam, but that’s no less reason to celebrate. The remains of several parfaits, a healthy selection of ice cream, and a crepe lay forgotten on their table. It’s late and they are among the last customers in the café. Yumiko and Kuri said their goodbyes half an hour ago. Usagi, on the other hand, is in her element with her best friend and refuses to leave until the clock strikes closing time.

     “Of course, of course,” Naru says, barely stifling a giggle. Usagi glares, which only makes Naru laugh more. But her friend is in the mood to indulge her tonight. She cups her chin in her hands as she leans her elbows on the table. “So where do you and Motoki-san go on your first date?”

     Usagi’s eyes sparkle with mischief and confidence. “At the Crown, of course.”

     “So you’re seducing him with your charm while he’s at work. Tsk, tsk, are you saying he has to be a delinquent like you?” Naru raises a quizzical eyebrow.

     Usagi huffs and crosses her arms. “Fine, we go to an amusement park.” She pauses to readjust her fantasy, takes a breath, and continues. “We ride the Ferris Wheel.”

     “Because if you rode the roller coaster, you’d throw up.”

     That earns Naru a stuck-out tongue. “A gentleman like Motoki knows what a girl likes,” she sniffs. “Besides, the mood is too romantic for roller coasters. He takes my hand by the merry-go-round, you see. The moon is out, and the mood is perfect.”

     “And then…” Naru leans in conspiratorially and wiggles her eyebrows. Usagi does the same in as well. Across the café, glasses clink as a waiter clears a table.

     “What?” asks Usagi after a moment.

     “Well what happens next, Juliet? Or is this where one of you runs off shy?”

     For all she’s imagined everything leading up to this moment and for all that she _knows_ Motoki will be the one to give her first kiss, Usagi realizes she doesn’t really know what comes next. Any time she tries to imagine further, an inexplicable feeling tugs at her. She doesn’t know why there’s something small deep down inside her filled with an incredible sorrow.

 

* * *

 

 

     Usagi sometimes dreams of Serenity’s first kiss. Of course, it will be a long time before her conscious mind translates the haze of memories into anything that remains solid after the first rays of sunlight. But the feelings always remain with her. After these dreams Usagi always wakes up wistful and a little sad.

     Far away in that other life, Princess Serenity’s mother is as firm as she is kind. Ruling with these parts in equal measure is what allows the Silver Millennium to flourish. Their kingdom is peaceful and benevolent. Queen Serenity is never shy to credit this to the old ways (nor to remind her daughter of their importance). The rules about the blue planet below have always been clear. “We are to watch over them, but not to interfere. Doing so is not our place.”

     Serenity loves the Silver Millennium and she loves her mother even more. It’s for this reason even her insatiable curiosity only allows her to break the rules one step at a time. She never consciously knows she will go any further until each act is behind her.

     She only means to go to the blue planet once, just to see Earth with her own eyes for one time in her life. Serenity’s heard so much about humans and what they represent to the future of both of their worlds. Her kingdom reminds her of the precious jewels locked in their vaults: Perfect, and ultimately forever unchanging. The Earth, in contrast, is young and chaotic and vibrant.

     The first time Serenity walks on the Earth’s surface she’s struck most by the colors. They call it the blue planet, but she’ll never forget the brilliant green of the foliage or the fiery red of the sky just before night begins. When she tastes the air, it is young and full of promise.

     She sees many humans going about their business. An old woman walking alone, humming contentedly to herself. A boy playing with his hound. And finally, a dark-haired young man looking up into the starry sky and the moon above. She’s spent countless nights looking down on the earth in the same manner as this man now looks up at her home. Were she there now and their planets a little closer, she wonders if their eyes would meet. The look of wonder and awe in his eyes reflects her own heart’s pulse.

     Of everything on this planet that is brilliant and full of magic, somehow he trumps them all.

     When Serenity returns to the moon, she tries to tell herself that she is content with just these memories.   She must have been caught up in the moment and emotion. But time wears Serenity down. If breaking this taboo once did not cause the heavens to burst open, then surely it cannot do any harm to go again. She cannot understand how it can be a sin to touch a place so full of beauty and life.

     Serenity doesn’t realize until she spots the dark-haired young man again how badly she wanted to see him. He is with his fellow soldiers now and focused on the day’s tasks. When the sun sets, however, his eyes are drawn not to the brilliantly setting sun, but to the ascending moon.

     Are you also torn between what you know you’re supposed to do and what calls to you? she wonders.

     Serenity only means to continue watching from afar each time thereafter she sneaks down to Earth. In time, she feels like she knows him as well as her friends back in the Silver Millennium. She makes up stories about his life and what is happening when she observes him. As long as he remains something she created, he cannot be real enough to threaten anything.

     Soon enough the day comes when Serenity accidentally steps on a nearby branch and gives herself away. The cracking sound alerts him and he looks up and spots her watching from her hiding place. Serenity’s heart pounds in her chest. It’s not just the idea of being “caught” (although that is certainly terrifying enough!) It’s the fear that her delicate, exquisitely constructed image of this world (and of him) will shatter in the face of reality.

     But then he grins brightly, his eyes full of warmth and humanity. “I thought someone had been watching me,” he says with mirth. Serenity finds herself giggling despite herself. The perfect illusion may be gone, yes, but she wants something more than the ethereal beauty of the Silver Millennium.

     The man’s name is Endymion and he is the prince of this planet. For all that he is a warrior, Serenity has never met anyone so gentle, nor who comes to know her heart so well.

     One night many secret visits later, he takes her up to a bridge overlooking the night sky. She must already know what’s going to happen, for she tells him, “Earth people and moon people must not fall in love. That’s God’s rule.”

     “I know,” Endymion whispers. But he caresses her cheek, and Serenity does exactly what she means to when she meets his lips in a kiss. He tastes solid and warm and a little like the earth he protects. He is beginning to reshape her and she him, but Serenity knows her heart is never so finely tuned to her truest self than when she is with him.

   A miracle meeting or not, she cannot bring herself to deny her mother’s words. The laws that have governed her life and their worlds will not change so easily. She knows even as she deepens the kiss that this will end, that this will lead to nothing good.

     But no matter how fleeting it is, she can’t bring herself to pull away.

 

* * *

 

 

     When Sailor Moon is kissed for the first time, the timing is off. Only twenty minutes ago she was an elegant princess, prepared to waltz and to be romanced. Now she is in her soldier’s garb and fresh from battle. The illusion of the night cracked a little in her recent fight. She remembers she is still clumsy Usagi and there is more to her secret life than sneaking into fancy parties and dancing with masked men. She only means to sit down for a moment and let everything sink in, to preserve the dream-like feeling of the night of the night. The dresses, the elegance of the ballroom, dancing with _him._ Even through her glove, her hand still feels warm where Tuxedo Mask’s fingers touched her own.

     She’s slipped into a comfortable doze and is only distantly aware of the sound of feet coming towards her. Later she won’t be able to explain how she knew it was Tuxedo Mask, but she does. He brings a hand to her face. She is still Sailor Moon and has the quick reflexes of a senshi, but Usagi is still comfortably under the spell of the night’s romance and does not want to break the illusion just yet. She turns her head slightly to lean into the warmth of his hand. The faint scent of cologne on his wrist smells of roses. And then he brings his mouth to her own.

     Suddenly Usagi is very, very awake. I’m having my first kiss, she realizes. Given how much time she’s spent thinking about this scenario, she always thought she would have more warning.   Tuxedo Mask’s lips are soft and a small shiver goes through her. Luna keeps telling her this man may be the enemy. Well if so, then it’s her duty to not back down. She opens her mouth slightly to meet his tongue with her own.

   With her eyes closed (she doesn’t dare open them), she is all the more focused on her sense of touch and the warmth spreading through her. Something familiar aches fiercely in her chest. Usagi is rapidly falling down a rabbit hole and she doesn’t know _why_. The reason is both right on the tip of her tongue and a million leagues away. If she could just press herself any closer to him, maybe she’d be able to remember whatever she’s forgotten.

 

* * *

 

 

     The first time Usagi kisses Tuxedo Mask comes as a surprise even to her. Maybe it’s the adrenaline rushing through her blood – being thrown from a building would rile up anyone. If there was ever a moment she felt her life flashing before her eyes, it was now.

     When Usagi really thinks about it, she’s terrified by this secret world she’s been thrust into. Left alone, she never could have survived this long. But her fellow warriors give her strength. Shy, proud, and gentle Ami. Rei, elegant and lonely and passionate. Makoto, intimidating at first look but so loving and fiercely protective of them all. Minako, mysterious and dedicated. And then Tuxedo Mask (no - Chiba Mamoru) who doubles as both her rival and her guardian angel.

     Usagi will not let anything happen to any of the people she cares about. She does not know what is between her and Mamoru but she does know he’s one of the people who even crybaby Usagi will lay down her life for. She will protect him just as fiercely as she will her friends. She’s done being a victim of the Dark Kingdom; it’s time for her to fight. But not without settling whatever is between her and Mamoru first.

     Go, get out of here, it’s not safe, Tuxedo Mask’s eyes silently plead.

     Never, she voicelessly counters. “It’s too dangerous,” she sputters aloud. And then with more steadiness to her voice, “We will defeat the enemy.” I don’t know why you make me feel like the earth is coming apart, but it’s real and I’m not going to deny that any more.

     She can’t explain what her feelings are for Chiba Mamoru. It’s different from her schoolgirl crush on Motoki. She won’t call it love just yet, but there’s something very strong there. She’ll be damned if she lets him (or anyone else) get hurt.

     Kissing him feels like falling off the building again, only this time she’s the one choosing to jump. For the briefest of moments Mamoru is taken aback. Serves him right, a small part of her thinks smugly. She means for the kiss to be just a quick brush of the lips for good luck, but Mamoru is quick to recover and soon is diving with her.

     She has no doubt in her heart when finally breaks apart from him and faces Kunzite. It’s for this reason that later, when she is back home and tears streaming down her face, it’s so impossible to understand how as a warrior of justice her love couldn’t be enough. It’s her turn to save him, she’s going to save them all, and yet she barely has time to flinch from Kunzite’s attack before Tuxedo Mask is in front of her and absorbing all of that sick, awful light.

.  The world breaks as Mamoru goes slack in her arms. In the same instant, reality perversely begins to knit itself back together again as finally, _finally_ the dam of memories breaks. Before she can begin to absorb them, Usagi hears another of herself repeating over and over, “Not again, not again, not again…!”

     The haze is gone. In its wake is history’s cruel reprise.

     “Endymion!”

 

* * *

 

 

_If a girl has her first kiss, then it stands to reason one day she will have her last. The beauty of lasts is one rarely knows it’s the final time. The last time you see your old school before it’s torn down. The last time you call your grandmother before she passes away in the night. The last time you kiss your lover before you’re done for good._

_But on the day she killed Endymion, Usagi knew this was the end. Ever since she saw “Endo” in the arcade, she knew she was going to have to make a decision eventually. She loved this man once, and even ignorant and blind in this lifetime she came to love him again. But she’s also a Sailor Guardian, and she can no more fail to protect this world and the people she loves than she can force herself to stop breathing. The puppet Metallia has turned him into is a perversion of everything she knew about Prince Endymion, Tuxedo Mask, and Chiba Mamoru. Usagi can’t bear what she needs to do next, but she’s not selfish enough to make him go on like this._

_For the briefest of moments the sword rests at her side. Endymion’s eyes are as empty as ever, but she’d like to think there’s the smallest bit of the man she loved in there. So she kisses Mamoru for the last time, fierce and quick. Maybe this has been their destiny all along, rebirth or not. He won’t listen to her words, so anything she’s going to say needs to be said with her lips. I didn’t want this to happen. We’ll cross time again and find happiness, for sure this time. I love you._

_She breaks away from his mouth and plunges the sword through him._

 

* * *

 

 

     Serenity (now Usagi) has been born as a human this time. There aren’t supposed to be any second chances, but they have one nonetheless.

     She is still a Sailor Guardian. Metallia is finally vanquished for good, but Usagi knows in her heart that this is not the last darkness they will face. She and Endymion died before, there’s nothing to stop the same event from happening again. Not when she came so heartrendingly close to losing everything all over again.

     But right now, beyond all possibility, they are alive. The day is both beautiful and ordinary when Usagi goes to meet Mamoru in the park. In his glasses and a grey tweed jacket, he barely resembles the armored prince she first glimpsed lifetimes ago. He is sitting on a bench and predictably reading a book (some things don’t change). His eyebrows furrow in concentration. Usagi leans down and gives him a peck on the cheek.

     Mamoru smirks as he looks up. “You’re late, _odango atama_. Detention again?” Sometimes she can pretend nothing about their relationship has changed. He still teases her and she is gleeful to give it right back to him.

     But that’s not all there is now. Now that Serenity has woken within her, her past self will always be one of the parts that makes up Usagi. For the first time that she can recall, Usagi feels complete - she suspects Mamoru feels similarly. But Queen Serenity’s words echo in her mind. “Please be happy this time with the one you love.” She will honor the past, and she will never forget how precious this second chance is. But she doesn’t want to dwell on the tragedies that lay behind them. Right now she wants to take hold of their present and run free with it.

     When Mamoru puts down his book to properly greet her, there is no more teasing (though his eyes are still full of mirth). He brings his lips towards hers and for the first time there is no lingering sorrow that this cannot last, no infuriating, nagging feeling that there’s a memory just out of reach, no terrifying desperation that this is their last moment.

     Neither Usagi nor Serenity ever knew something so ordinary could be so breathtaking. When she meets his lips, her mouth is curved in a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> As of this writing only the first 12 episodes of Sailor Moon Crystal have been aired, so I referenced the manga for the last scene.


End file.
